In last week’s post, you met James*—the tall, dark, and handsome guy I met at an event for Christian singles in early March. He’s the first guy I was in a real(ish) relationship with. He’s also the first guy who broke my heart because he claimed to be fond of me right before he ghosted me and jumped into a relationship with another girl.
So I ended Part 1 by sharing the first hard lesson I’ve learned from that relationship: Dating isn’t always fun and romantic. Though that lesson may seem very pessimistic, I shared it to ultimately encourage you to have low expectations about your future dating endeavors. I promise I’ll try to encourage you through the hard lessons I share in this post too.
Lesson #2: A Broken Heart Is Better Than a Guilty Conscience
A couple weeks ago, I had the privilege (yes, that’s sarcasm) of seeing James hanging out with his new girlfriend at an event for the Christian singles group I’m in. To be honest, watching them talk and flirt was devastating. It felt like James was stomping on the pieces of my heart—which he’d already broken when he ghosted me.
Call me crazy but I hadn’t expected him to come to a singles event for the purpose of flirting with his girlfriend. I honestly think he came because he wanted to get to me…to try to prove he didn’t need me or my convictions or my confidence or my clarity—the things that apparently became painfully obvious to him on our third and final date. I think he resented that I wasn’t desperate for him.
As soon as I got in the car to go home, I started sobbing. But that’s when my sweet sisters reminded me that being with James wasn’t God’s will for me. Our beliefs and values were far too different, and he lacked character and maturity. I needed to marry a man, but James was just a boy.
I don’t say these things to imply I never do anything desperate or foolish or sinful because I do. I simply say these things to encourage you to look beyond your broken heart. I know how much it hurts right now. But your Heavenly Father does too—and He has far better plans for you than dating guys who lack character and maturity.
If you choose to walk away from the guy whose core beliefs and values don’t align with yours, you can have peace knowing you’re following God and His will for your life. The convictions He’s placed on your heart are there for a reason. The man you’re going to be one flesh with needs to share them.
I’m definitely upset about losing James, but honestly, I know that being with him is not God’s will for me. If I was still with him, I wouldn’t have peace. I’d probably just feel very guilty.
Lesson #3: This Is Out of My Control
From the moment I met James, I felt completely helpless because I couldn’t make anything happen between us. I had to wait for him to ask for my number. I had to wait for him to text me. I had to wait for him to ask me out all three times. I felt so out of control, and I hated it.
But my feelings of helplessness only increased in intensity when my relationship with James ended. I became an emotional wreck. I’m not usually a big crier, but I kept feeling the urge to break down in tears. Frustration, anger, and bitterness hit me like a tidal wave. In spite of knowing he wasn’t the right guy for me and being deeply hurt by him, I missed him.
Ugh, what is wrong with me? Why do I feel this way? When will I stop feeling this way?
Truthfully, I haven’t stopped feeling sad or mad, and I’m not sure when I will. But whether I feel better in a few days or a few years, it’s not really up to me. Even though I can take steps to process the experience and move on from it, the timeline for emotional healing isn’t in my hands; it’s in God’s hands.
The righteous cry, and the Lord hears and delivers them out of all their troubles. (Psalm 34:17 NASB1995)
When the righteous cry, God hears them—and He’s the one who delivers them from their troubles. They can’t do it themselves. They can’t make deliverance happen. But if realizing we’re not in control means we realize God is in control, perhaps feeling helpless isn’t such a bad thing.
*Name has been changed.
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