Where God's Word Meets Our Mess
This poem is based on an analogy from Scripture. As the church—Christ's bride—we can live in gratitude and joy because we no longer wear darkness and shame. Just as the groom typically wears a black suit and the bride typically wears a white dress at their wedding, Christ wore black—our sin—so that we could wear white—His righteousness.
Originally, I wanted these words to be song lyrics but then realized that they could become a poem. And as you read them, I want you to know that they're not just fluffy filler words. These words describe how I often fail and how I often feel as a result—but they also describe how faithful God is to forgive me. So while I'm not advocating habitual sin in this poem, I am advocating habitual returning to God's forgiveness.
If you grew up in church, you’ve probably heard the song “Amazing Grace” more times than you can count. It’s definitely a staple hymn, yet there have been so many versions and renditions of it produced. Honestly, over the years, the words of this hymn have lost their meaning for me. Actually, the words never really felt meaningful to me.
Even though I wrote a post about unfulfilled longings recently, I deleted it because I was scared. I thought that I didn’t have enough Bible verses to back up my main points, and I feared the errancy in my words. Though I made the post disappear, my unsatisfied longings didn’t disappear. The deep-in-my-soul aches persisted. But so did He.
As my friends sort through their romantic relationships—whether they're married, engaged, dating, or almost-dating—I sort through my feelings of emptiness, loneliness, and despair. I cling to my unwantedness. It feels wrong to cling so tightly to such an ugly feeling, but I can’t seem to let it go. I simply want to know this: Am I wanted?
I listened to a slightly-too-convicting podcast last night (ahem). It was the By Faith podcast with host Christine Hoover and guest Callie Nixon. Callie shared about her struggles with lust, masturbation, and porn, which was a struggle that lasted for years. The most interesting, beautiful part of the podcast was Callie's observation that it was Jesus’ kindness—not His anger or His punishment or His "holding out" on her—that allowed her not to have a boyfriend while she was in the midst of her struggles with personal sexual sin.
I usually don’t introduce my posts with Bible verses. However, I read this passage from John 5 recently, and it really got my attention. Even though I think Jesus was directing these words at nonbelievers, verse 45 in particular hit my heart with a heavy thud and convicted me of several serious sins in my life.
After recognizing my overdependence on this friend, I then realized something scary. I had also developed an overdependence on my crush, too. He wasn’t even my boyfriend. In fact, he had only spoken to me one time.
If God is my everything, I don’t need anything. I don’t need a date for Friday night. I don’t need a boyfriend who buys me flowers. I don’t need a husband who holds me in his arms. And I don’t need Four. Because I have Him.
