I listened to a slightly-too-convicting podcast last night (ahem). It was the By Faith podcast with host Christine Hoover and guest Callie Nixon. Callie shared about her struggles with lust, masturbation, and porn, which was a struggle that lasted for years. The most interesting, beautiful part of the podcast was Callie’s observation that it was Jesus’ kindness—not His anger or His punishment or His “holding out” on her—that allowed her not to have a boyfriend while she was in the midst of her struggles with personal sexual sin.
A New Perspective on Singleness
I’ve always wanted to save sex for marriage and even my first kiss for my wedding day. But after listening to Callie’s words, I began to realize something. In fact, I started to become convicted.
Is that why Jesus hasn’t brought a boyfriend into my life? Because I’d give into sexual temptation with my boyfriend if I had one? After all, if I’m looking at nudity online, why wouldn’t I be comfortable taking off my clothes in front of my boyfriend? And if I’m playing out sexual scenarios in my mind, why wouldn’t I be comfortable engaging in sex with my boyfriend?
My current struggles would undoubtedly pop up in a dating relationship. Thankfully, I’m not dating and never have. And I believe that God doesn’t want me to be involved with a guy right now because He knows that I need to grow in my relationship with Him first.
And that’s how I’ve tasted His goodness. Though I’ve been treating Him like a villain for not allowing anyone to ask me out, I’ve actually been living in His mercy. By “holding out on me,” He has delivered me from physical sexual sin—the kind that brings unexpected pregnancies, STDs, loads of heartache, and lifelong guilt. That’s how His goodness tastes.
Not the Lack I Thought I Had
Oh, taste and see that the Lord is good; blessed is the man who trusts in Him! Oh, fear the Lord, you His saints! There is no want to those who fear Him. The young lions lack and suffer hunger; but those who seek the Lord shall not lack any good thing. (Psalm 34:8-10 NKJV)
Of course, my immediate reaction to this verse is this: “God, I am lacking a good thing—I lack a boyfriend!” But after listening to the By Faith podcast last night, I can admit that I’m not lacking any good thing. Perhaps my lack of a boyfriend right now is a good thing from God.
Because my “lack” tastes like God’s goodness. It tastes like mercy. It tastes like love.
Just to clarify, here’s what I’m not saying: You need to have your act together before you meet your future husband. When your act is 100% together, God will bring a great guy into your life.
But here’s what I am saying: Bringing lust, porn, masturbation, or other sexual sins into a romantic relationship is messy. The temptation will probably be stronger to act on what you’ve thought, seen, and done as a single girl when you carry those sins into a dating relationship. And honestly, because most guys have a high sex drive naturally, the temptation to give into sexual sin with your boyfriend may be almost impossible to fight if you’re bringing your own sexual struggles into the relationship.
First Things First
Although I still want to have a boyfriend, I realize that a romantic relationship would not be good for me to have right now. I need to put more effort into my fight against personal sexual sin before I date, get married, and have sex. That’s a bitter pill for me to swallow. but it’s true.
Friends, I want you to swallow the same bitter pill if that’s what needs to happen for your relationship with God to grow. Don’t hold a grudge against your loving God. He can see things that you can’t see, including heartache down the road, and He wants to protect you. He wants to give you a heaping spoonful of His goodness.
Will you taste it?
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