The Last Time

Originally, I wanted these words to be song lyrics, but I realized the same words could serve as a poem. Of course, in this poetic form, you can’t hear the rhythm that I heard when I wrote them. But the words still matter. 

Oh, this was the last time.

I swore I’d never do this again.

If only this was the last time

I’d end my prayer with, “Sorry, amen.”

But I caved.

Again.

I gave up.

Again.

I gave in.

Again.

I confessed.

Again.

But if this isn’t the last time,

You’ll still love me for all eternity.

And if this isn’t the last time,

You’ll supply all of the grace that I need.

And if this isn’t the last time,

You’ll forgive me until I can beat this.

And if this isn’t the last time,

I know You’ll stay with me until it is.

Oh, this was the last time.

I promised I’d give up all my sins.

If only this was the last time

I gave into my feelings and whims.

But I caved.

Again.

I gave up.

Again.

I gave in.

Again.

I confessed.

Again.

But if this isn’t the last time,

You’ll still love me for all eternity.

And if this isn’t the last time,

You’ll supply all of the grace that I need.

And if this isn’t the last time,

You’ll forgive me until I can beat this.

And if this isn’t the last time,

I know You’ll stay with me until it is.

The grace You give

Is the grace I don’t deserve.

And the love You show

Is the love I’ll never earn.

So if this isn’t the last time,

You’ll still love me for all eternity.

And if this isn’t the last time,

You’ll supply all of the grace that I need.

And if this isn’t the last time,

You’ll forgive me until I can beat this.

And if this isn’t the last time,

I know You’ll stay with me until it is.

This may not be the last time

I break my word and fall on my face.

But this will be the last time

I forget the definition of grace.

Friends, God’s nature is persistent, strong, and steady. He doesn’t leave. He doesn’t give up. He doesn’t wave. While I am not advocating habitual sin in this poem, I am advocating habitual returning to God’s forgiveness. 

Let not sin therefore reign in your mortal body, to make you obey its passions. Do not present your members to sin as instruments for unrighteousness, but present yourselves to God as those who have been brought from death to life, and your members to God as instruments for righteousness. For sin will have no dominion over you, since you are not under law but under grace. (Romans 6:12-14 ESV)