Dear Future Husband,
I’m writing this letter to you because I want you to know that I have high expectations for you. I don’t want to trudge through decades of singleness and end up with a subpar husband. However, I also want you to know that my expectations for you are reasonable. By the way, you should probably have reasonable expectations for me as well…because I’m pretty broken.
What I Expect
Future Husband, I expect you to be a Christian—and to love Jesus more than you love me. Regular prayer time, Bible reading, and church attendance should be part of your life. Growing in your faith needs to be your first priority.
I expect you to be strong—not just spiritually but also mentally, emotionally, and physically. Being confident without being arrogant is a really attractive quality. If standing up for yourself and your faith is terrifying, I want you to do it anyway.
I expect you to be reliable—to be the person I can lean on when I need you. I want you to persevere with me through difficult things. Consistently showing up for the people you care about is essential.
I expect you to be passionate—not just about us but also about others. Obsession is a turnoff, but I appreciate enthusiasm. I want you to be enthusiastic about your relationship with me, your relationship with your family, and your calling from the Lord, whatever that may be.
I expect you to be hardworking—in your career but also in life in general. You need to have a fulltime job that can provide for us and our future family. I want your love for us and your love for the Lord to motivate you to be our provider and protector.
What I Don’t Expect
Future Husband, I don’t expect you to be a perfect Christian—or to always love Jesus more than you love me. I’m okay if you fail to pray, read your Bible, and attend church every now and then. I realize that growing in your faith won’t always be your first priority.
I don’t expect you to be perfectly strong—not spiritually, mentally, emotionally, or physically. I know that arrogance will sometimes stem from your confidence. I do want you to stand up for yourself and your faith, but I realize that it is terrifying and that you won’t do it every single time.
I don’t expect you to be perfectly reliable—or to always be the person I can lean on when I need you. I know persevering with me through difficult things will take a toll on you, and that’s okay. I realize you can’t show up for the people you care about every single time they need you.
I don’t expect you to be perfectly passionate—neither about us nor about others. I know that enthusiasm can be exhausting. I get that you won’t always have enthusiasm in your relationship with me, your relationship with your family, and your calling from the Lord.
I don’t expect you to be perfectly hardworking—in your career or in life in general. A fulltime job may not provide enough for us or our future family at first. Your love for us and your love for the Lord may not always be enough to motivate you to be our provider and protector.
What Not to Expect from Me
Future Husband, I hope you see that my expectations for you are high but reasonable. I don’t expect you to be perfect because I’m not perfect. And I’m far from it. This is your warning: I have a lot of issues.
My OCD will probably drive you slightly to severely crazy. My history with anorexia nervosa will probably cause some distance between us. My fear of the future will probably make me focus on myself more often than you—or us. My control freak-ness will probably cause you to be frustrated with me. My doubts about my salvation will probably require you to reassure me of the truth again…and again…and again.
Honestly, these are just a few of my issues. You have no idea how messy my heart is; only God knows. Don’t have unattainable expectations for me because I have so much growing to do. I’ll try not to have unattainable expectations for you either, okay? Hopefully, we can grow even better together than we can on our own. Simply put, this is what I expect for both of us:
Nevertheless, as for you individually, each husband is to love his own wife the same as himself, and the wife must see to it that she respects her husband. (Ephesians 5:33 NASB)