I wrote this poem during a very difficult year. I was finishing my sophomore year of college, and I was struggling to accept my body. Like really struggling.
I was considered “recovered” from my anorexia, but I still absolutely abhorred my body. I wallowed in my self-hatred day after day. Halfheartedly praying for acceptance and motivation, I felt utterly defeated by the devil and his weapons of deception.
But God didn’t leave me in my moment of need. He stayed.
Friends, He doesn’t just see you at your highest moments; He sees you at your lowest moments, too. I encourage you to read Psalm 69 in its entirety, but I include a snippet of it at the end of this poem. Feel God’s peace as you read it and remember His presence.
When I sink deep into the bog,
I pray that, somehow, I’ll be found.
I know I need to bow my head
And trust that You won’t let me drown.
When all I see is rising waves,
I simply hope that You will come.
The darkness tries to cover me,
But darkness can’t defeat the Son.
You see my weakness when I can’t,
But God, You love me still.
You save me from the stormy seas
Because of Your kind will.
Oh God, You know my foolishness,
And You are not surprised.
Oh, Lord, You see my ev’ry sin
But You still hear my cries.
I know Your love is kind and true,
So I’ll keep holding on.
I may not see You working yet,
But I must trust You’re strong.
Answer me, Lord, for Your mercy is good; according to the greatness of Your compassion, turn to me, and do not hide Your face from Your servant, for I am in distress; answer me quickly. Come near to my soul and redeem it; ransom me because of my enemies! You know my disgrace, my shame, and my dishonor; all my enemies are known to You. (Psalm 69:16-19 NASB)