Dear Single Girl, Find a Church That Fits You (and Get Involved)

Dear Single Girl,

I know that being single can make you feel like you’re living on an island sometimes—like there’s no one who really “gets” you except for your cat and your Spotify playlist. You have to push yourself to do any social activities because all you really want to do is stay at home. But constantly staying at home is a really lonely existence—especially for a single girl.

That’s why it’s so important to find a church that fits you and to get involved in it.

When I Found a Church

Single Girl, I know what it’s like to feel like you’re on an island; I felt like that for several months post-college.

When I graduated from college, the whole church thing was a blank slate for me. I attended the same church from infancy to college. When I went to college out of state, I attended a church in the same town as my college from freshman year to senior year. But during my senior year of college, my family moved to the same state where I was attending college. I moved in with my family right after college, so we were all looking for the right church to attend.

As we visited church after church after church, I started to feel incredibly discouraged. No matter how many churches we tried, I felt like none of them were a good fit for me. I wondered if I would ever find a church that fit me.

But it finally happened. After many months of searching, God led me to a church that fits me and I got involved. And I feel like I truly belong there.

The Kind of Church to Look For

Before I get too far into this post, I want to make something very clear: above all other factors, the gospel must be foundational in the church you attend. The gospel should be preached (1) clearly (2) regularly and (3) without compromise.

As for other factors, I know that there are many things to consider when choosing a church; but I would argue that you need to choose a church where you fit well. That kind of church might not be the church that you grew up in. It might not be a quick drive or have contemporary music. It might not have services in a beautiful building or offer a late morning service.

Single Girl, no church will be perfect; but the right church will be exactly what you need.

Let us hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering, for he who promised is faithful. And let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works, not neglecting to meet together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another, and all the more as you see the Day drawing near. (Hebrews 10:23-25 ESV)

It’s very possible that you’ll meet your future husband somewhere besides church. Perhaps you’ll meet him at work, through a mutual friend, during a wedding, or some other way. That’s why “number of potential future husbands” shouldn’t be the determining factor in your decision to attend or not attend a church. Sure, you should keep that in mind as you consider your options; but that shouldn’t be the main reason that you attend or don’t attend a church. Rather, the main reason that you attend a church (besides to hear clear, regular, and unashamed gospel preaching, as I noted earlier) should be to encourage one another and grow alongside one another.