Dear Single Girl, Your Broken Heart Doesn’t Have to Define You

Dear Single Girl,

Even though I haven’t dated anyone, I’ve still had several broken hearts. It feels like unrequited love (i.e., falling for someone who doesn’t share my feelings) has been the theme of my single years. I’ve learned that having a formal relationship isn’t a prerequisite for getting a broken heart. Unfortunately, it’s incredibly easy to get one. If you’ve found that to be true too, this post is for you.

Still Hurting

I don’t know who broke your heart or how he broke it, but I’m sure it still hurts. Maybe you were about to marry him. Or maybe you’d only been on a few dates with him. Regardless, you’re in deep pain.

You thought everything was going fine. He was godly, kind, thoughtful, smart, funny, and attractive. You mistakenly believed he thought the same about you.

So when the words “I think we should break up” came out of his mouth at dinner last week, you were floored.

Is he serious? There’s nothing wrong with me—or with us! Whom could he possibly like more than me?

Now you’re the girl who got dumped. The girl who got a broken heart. Maybe even the girl who got replaced extremely fast.

But guess what, Single Girl? Your broken heart—as much as it hurts in this moment—doesn’t have to define you. In fact, the longer you allow it to define you, the longer it’ll take to heal.

Better for It

It’s okay to grieve the loss of a relationship—but it’s not okay to stay trapped in the past. To keep hoping he’ll realize he was wrong to let you go. To keep hoping he’ll ask you for a second chance. To keep hoping he’ll show up at your door with a bouquet of roses and a heartfelt apology.

Single Girl, you deserve so much more than that. You deserve a guy who knows what he wants (i.e., you and only you) and doesn’t let anything stop him from getting it.

It’s time to acknowledge that the relationship is over, process your grief, and move on. No, you don’t need to move on instantly. I realize that process takes time. But please, Single Girl—resolve to move on.

Leaving It Behind

“Leave your simple ways behind, and begin to live; learn to use good judgment.” (Proverbs 9:6 NLT)

In Proverbs 9:1-12, wisdom is personified as a hostess sharing a meal with those who desire to be wise. She tells her guests that wisdom starts with fearing God—that as they grow in their knowledge of Him, they’ll become more discerning (v. 10). I included this particular verse from this particular chapter of God’s Word to encourage you, Single Girl. The guy you loved may have been sweet or intelligent or gorgeous, but he broke your heart and he’s in your past now.

Rather than dwelling on what could’ve been, learn from what is. What did the relationship (and the breakup) teach you? How do you want to do your next relationship differently? What step(s) does God want you to take next?

Your broken heart doesn’t have to define you. Instead, choose to define it. It’s a learning experience God can use to strengthen and sanctify you, Single Girl.