The topic of sex used to make me squirm…now it makes me want to fantasize. I’ve played out sexual scenes in my head. I’ve asked every question that a virgin single girl asks herself about it.
What will sex be like? Is it really just physical for him and just emotional for me? Will it be fun, painful, or romantic? How will I feel while it’s happening? Will he be as nervous as I will be? Is there a way to “mess up” sex? Will I be sore afterward, or will I be excited for the next time?
These are questions that the typical single girl with a high sex drive asks herself about sex. I’m not judging you if you’ve asked yourself these—and lots more—questions about sex. But, as single girls with a high sex drive, what can we do while we wait to get married and have sex? Here are a couple simple things:
1. Be real
If you’re a single girl who has never had sex, it’s very normal to (1) be curious about sex and (2) desire sex within the context of marriage. There’s no need to hide these desires, as if they’re shameful or dirty. I don’t care how many single girls admit it—99% of them are looking forward to having sex one day. It’s okay to admit that you desire this.
It’s also okay—in fact, it’s very important—to admit if you have a lust problem. Honestly, lust isn’t just a guy sin. It’s a girl sin, too. I’ve written about this before, and I’m writing about it again because I want to make it clear: you’re not a weirdo or a psycho if you struggle with lust. But if you keep this sin to yourself, you’ll never find freedom from it. I admit that it’s super fun to play out sexual fantasies in my mind, but it’s also super unhealthy. Don’t let your high sex drive turn into an idol.
But sexual immorality or any impurity or greed must not even be mentioned among you, as is proper among saints; and there must be no filthiness or foolish talk, or vulgar joking, which are not fitting, but rather giving of thanks. For this you know with certainty, that no sexually immoral or impure or greedy person, which amounts to an idolater, has an inheritance in the kingdom of Christ and God. (Ephesians 5:3-5 NASB)
2. Don’t be ashamed
There is a God-honoring place to put your high sex drive: the marriage bed. Your questions and concerns about sex will be safe there. You don’t need to push your desire for sex deep into the depths of your body, mind, heart, and soul. That’s actually quite un-advisable.
You don’t have to pretend in front of God or others that you feel indifferent about sex. You don’t have to act like you’ve never even thought about it. You don’t have to act like sex isn’t—and couldn’t be—the reason you want to get married. (Yup, I just said that.) Sex within the context of marriage is oh-so-good. In fact, it’s biblical.
But because of sexual immoralities, each man is to have his own wife, and each woman is to have her own husband. The husband must fulfill his duty to his wife, and likewise the wife also to her husband. The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does; and likewise the husband also does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. Stop depriving one another, except by agreement for a time so that you may devote yourselves to prayer, and come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. But this I say by way of concession, not of command. (1 Corinthians 7:2-6 NASB)
Friends, sex isn’t evil, as long as it’s done in the right context—within the boundaries of marriage. I know how hard it is to be a single girl with a high sex drive. Perhaps you feel helpless, confused, and frustrated that you feel like this as a single girl.
I want to have sex now, too. I understand if you’re just trying to survive until your honeymoon. But don’t give up on marriage or on purity. You can be real about your emotions, and you don’t have to be ashamed about your desires.