I recently overheard an acquaintance of mine, Madison*, talking about her fiancé when she took a serious jab at him. I couldn’t help but cringe internally when I heard her.
Are you sure marrying this guy is a good idea?
It was clear to me that Madison lacked respect for her fiancé—and that marrying him wasn’t going to solve that problem. If I could’ve asked her one question after hearing her critical comment, I would’ve asked this: “Do you actually respect your fiancé, or are you just marrying him to check the ‘marriage box’ off your ‘life to-do list’?” Honestly, I don’t think enough girls ask themselves that question.
The Reddest Red Flag
Christian girls are often told to look for red flags—i.e., warning signs—in their romantic relationships so they can feel confident they’re dating the right guys. They’re advised to carefully evaluate their boyfriends by asking questions like these: “Does he drink too much? Does he skip church often? Does he flirt with other girls?” And of course, if the girls answer “yes” to any of these classic red-flag questions, they’re encouraged to end their relationships (or at least thoughtfully and prayerfully consider ending their relationships).
But I think most girls who are dating don’t look for the reddest red flag that often exists (besides the “not a devoted follower of Jesus” red flag). And that reddest red flag is this: “Do you respect him?”
The super-hard-but-super-important truth about your boyfriend is that if you don’t respect him before you get married, you’re definitely not going to respect him after you get married. Because when you’re dating, your boyfriend is on his best behavior (at least for the most part). So if there’s something about him you don’t respect while you’re dating him, it’s only going to become worse if you marry him.
Time to Evaluate
If you’re not 100% sure if you respect your boyfriend or not, ask yourself these questions:
- Do I find myself questioning the decisions he makes?
- Do I ever feel embarrassed by (or even ashamed of) the things he says or does?
- Do I find myself talking about him in a negative way to other people?
- Do I feel the need to constantly share my opinion with him (or of him), even when he doesn’t ask for it?
In short, do you believe in him? Do you trust him? Do you admire the way he lives his life? If not, you’re dating the wrong guy.
Our Example of True Submission
He committed no sin, neither was deceit found in his mouth. When he was reviled, he did not revile in return; when he suffered, he did not threaten, but continued entrusting himself to him who judges justly. He himself bore our sins in his body on the tree, that we might die to sin and live to righteousness. By his wounds you have been healed. For you were straying like sheep, but have now returned to the Shepherd and Overseer of your souls. Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives, when they see your respectful and pure conduct. (1 Peter 2:22-3:2 ESV, emphasis mine)
Do you respect your boyfriend enough to submit to him—to the point that Christ submitted Himself to crucifixion on a cross to redeem us from sin? Because that’s how much a wife is supposed to respect her husband.
No, you don’t need to submit to your boyfriend. (In fact, you shouldn’t.) But if you can’t see yourself being willing (or able) to submit to him in marriage one day, it’s time to end the relationship. It’s better to not have a boyfriend than to have a boyfriend you don’t respect.
*Name has been changed.
Tizzie's Tidbits of Truth 