The 3 Greatest Fears of Inexperienced Daters

Okay, honestly, there are lots of reasons why I’m scared about dating. I’m unsure what kinds of things we’ll talk about, when we’ll discuss physical boundaries, how we’ll share hopes and dreams about the future, etc. Maybe, if you’re a completely inexperienced dater like me, you can relate to these three fears:

1. What if our first date is really awkward?

I can see it now: He meets me at the movies to see a new superhero movie. He breaks the ice by asking who my favorite superhero is. I have no idea because I’ve only seen 4 of the 100 superhero movies. I ask him, and he says Superman. The conversation ends abruptly. I am distracted by his dreamy blue eyes, and he is distracted by my awkwardness.

After the movie, he asks what my favorite part was. I have to quickly make something up because I was too distracted by his bulky muscles to watch the movie. He laughs—a little too hard—when I say my favorite part was “when the good guy killed the bad guy.”

2. What if I do something embarrassing?

I can see it now: It’s our second date. We’re sitting in a fancy restaurant, and I foolishly order spaghetti and a salad. When the salad comes out before the meal, I get a piece of spinach stuck in my teeth and don’t realize it. Then, when the entrees arrive, I spill sauce all over my lap—and on his white shirt.

During the meal, I proceed to get a noodle stuck in my throat. He has to drive me to the closest emergency room. He stays there with me for three hours until I choke up the noodle—onto his lap.

3. How will we know when to show physical affection?

I can see it now: We’ve been dating for a month. He hasn’t really talked about physical affection. I actually appreciate this because I don’t know when or how to bring it up, even though I really want to hold his hand.

Finally, after another month, he asks if it would be okay if he held my hand. In a panic by the very phrase “hold hands,” I begin to internally panic. Instead of saying I wouldn’t mind, I squeal like a newborn piglet and turn bright red. He looks confused about whether to hold my hand or run away.  

Hope for the Inexperienced Dater

My mind races at the thought of dating. One big worry I have is that I won’t know what to do with myself while I’m dating. I’m not sure what my first dating relationship will look like—and it’s okay if you don’t know either.

Here’s the hard truth of the matter:

If he (my date) is turned off by my sometimes-awkward self, he won’t be able to handle anything life throws at him.

If he can’t stay in the emergency room with me when I choke on a noodle, he won’t be able stay with me when I’m in labor with our kids.

If he freaks out about holding my hand for the first time, he will definitely freak out when he has to propose.

And I don’t want a wimpy, scaredy-cat husband. Thus, I shouldn’t date wimpy, scaredy-cat guys.

If someone really loves you, he or she won’t leave you if the first date is awkward. Or if you do something embarrassing. Or if physical affection is uncomfortable at first. Because love isn’t based on feelings; love is a choice.

If a relationship is going to last, it can’t be based on superficial things like lack of awkward moments. It will be based on love and respect.

However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband. (Ephesians 5:33 ESV)

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